Archive for the ‘Communications in relationships’ Category
Thursday, June 23rd, 2011
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Many of us are in relationships with men who just are not big talkers, or they might talk some about things that don’t matter much to them so they don’t really have to open up. You really need to get him to talk to you, better yet get him to listen because good communication is one of those things that helps build successful relationships, but lots of times couples just don’t communicate well.
A word of caution to those searching or using the term, “make him talk to me“. What you want to do is to be open to him emotionally so that he will feel safe and actually WANT to communicate with you and NOT make him talk to you. It sounds difficult but it really isn’t. Greet him affectionately when he gets home or you do. Pets always do it. Humans should, too. Or take a walk together. Getting away from all the distractions always helps. Leave the smart phone off!!! A listening attitude after an intimate moment might be all it takes.
Some women are better at communication than men, but even women don’t always communicate. Some people will try to get whatever they want by sneaking around and being passive-aggressive. Other people are just manipulative. These types of behaviors are destructive to relationships.
It’s part of real intimacy to be able to tell your love whatever you want to tell them, but many people play games or want their partner to be able to guess or intuit what they want.
Well, guessing is pretty difficult, maybe impossible.
We favor direct, non-confrontational talking, but it may be difficult to set up.
You might try the dreaded phrase, “We have to talk”, and watch your guy freeze up and run for the nearest exit.
Of course you might try something else, too.
Something that seems to work for us is to get out of the house take a walk together.
Make no mistake. He’ll talk if he has something to say and he’s a great listener, but he’s not a big talker. Many men are not.
But walking outside and not feeling any pressure to talk seems to help him express his feelings, thoughts, wishes and desires.
These are things I really want to know about him, but there are other benefits, too. He feels more connected to me because I’m paying focused attention to him, but not too much. He feels he can say whatever he wants or nothing at all except, “Look, there’s a deer, or a bobcat, or a bear.” We’ve seen all of them while out walking in our area.
It’s a romance encouraging way to spend time together, plus we get great exercise, too.
This simple thing increases the intimacy and mutual understanding in our relationship. So you might enhance your relationship by taking a walk together.
If you start with a low pressure, listening attitude you better your odds of getting him to talk to you and you just might be surprised at what you learn about your relationship that you never knew. Please take communications as critical to successful relationships. If you don’t work on that you could end up as another of the divorce statistics.